Panic

I'm packing - How on earth did we ever gather so much junk in one year? - and trying to visualize living in Sherwood Park so that my mind moves home before my body does. This is where the problems start. I'm not sure I can fit into a western society anymore. I definitely have a Belizean mindset. (And I have some trouble speaking English which should make for some awkward and humourous moments.) The thought of the traffic scares me to death - and I now drive like a Belizean so I may very possibly kill someone before I relearn my driving skills. How do you get where you need to be if you have to follow speed limits and other vehicles and drive only on your own side of the road??? The panic starts here and I try and push it back down by changing the location of my thoughts. Let's go to the mall. - - - NO! LET's NOT!!! There are more people at the mall than there are in all of Belize but that's not really the problem. How do you shop when there are so many choices??? How do you decide what you need when everything is trying to get you to buy their stuff even if you don't need it????? SHOOT - the panic is fighting back! OK stay with shopping but go to the grocery store. All right. This is good. There are choices and nothing is outdated and you don't have to worry about getting home and opening something and finding it infested with bugs. This IS good. And, I'll bet you can buy rice and flour which you can't do in Belize right now. The panic is receding. Grocery stores will be good. - - - NO! My mind is trying to wander to the drive there and back - - - Stop! Just beam yourself back home. At home I can be Belizean if I like. I can cook Belizean food and just sit and think sometimes and be quiet. OH NO!!! Cooking - no ricardo - no all purpose season - no fish season - WAIT - NO PLANTAIN. OK small panic but I can do this. I can relearn how to cook. I can figure out how to cook meat without stewing it. I can. I can. If all else fails, I can follow a recipe. I can do that. Panic is receding a little but I can feel it waiting just below the surface ready for the next thought. My hands are now shaking and I'm trying hard not to hyperventilate. It's time to go back to Belize. Oh, look, I'm there. And I've got a full day ahead of me being Belizean. I'll go visit Judy and she'll hug me till I pop and call me sweetie and on the walk there and back people will say 'aright mammy' and 'hey, beautiful' and, sometimes, just shout my name 'DANA' and wave and smile. I can move slowly and breathe and smell the flowers and green. Ah. The panic is gone. You all can laugh if you want but I'm so serious. I'm going to need lots of help to find my place in Sherwood Park. I hope you can all be patient with me.